"I don't even know where to start..."

Where to start this post. I don't even know.  I am literally just staring at the screen right now in a daze. Craig got a call form the doctor today. We had our first roller coaster hill of hell. She said that Patrick's belly had become large and green. It had become worse throughout the day, and she had been taking x-rays to monitor it. So when we got there, she showed us the x-rays. His stomach was bloated and green.

He had air in his stomach. She told us that he had a hole in his intestine that was letting bile go into his stomach. His white blood cell count was very high, and he had an infection. She started him on three antibiotics. She had also called in the surgeon to check him out.  While showing us the x-rays, she said that there was miconium in the bowl that was not moving. It had been there all day, and was not moving.  She explained what the surgeon would do when he got there. He would inject a small area in the lower abdomen with Lidocaine, and place a small penrose drain in the area. This will let all the bile drain out, and hopefully clear up the area. Hopefully the stomach will heal itself in the next week or two. If it does not, they may need to go back in and close it. They can't do it right now because he is so small, he couldn't handle it. So we met the surgeon, and he was very nice. He went over the procedure. I believe it was called a peritoneal repair, I believe, don't quote me on that. He said there were a few scenarios that could happen. The first one is, they could go in, and place the drain, and it heals on it's own, they remove the drain slowly over a few days. The second is, they could place it, it not really heal, and then they have to go in and fix it later. The third one, they try to place a drain, he doesn't do well, they can bleed because of clotting issues, and there is nothing they can do. Sign this consent form, go out in the waiting room, insert mommy breakdown number one here.  For those of you who don't know me, I curse like a trucker. So, if you are sensitive to cursing, please skip this next sentence and move on to the next. Holy fucksticks, being a parent is the scariest shit ever. Sitting in a waiting room waiting for them to come out and tell you, either your child made it, or didn't is the worst fucking suspense ever. I pray none of you ever have to go through that.  I didn't completely lose it, but I cried. So we waited, and then they came out to get us, and said that he did well. He was stable before, and stable after. He did get a transfusion yesterday, so they said that helped him going into it today. He said that a lot of the bile came out,, and it was still coming out when we left so that is good. His belly had gone down, and he seemed more comfortable. They did turn up his Fentanyl back to 3, so that helped him too. So, basically, his game plan is the same. Monitor for infection, and take x-rays each day to monitor his belly, and gas pattern.  The infection is a big concern because if it is really bad, he might not be able to fight it. Otherwise, they will continue to monitor his vitals, and keep him on his meds. He is still on his vent, and seems to be doing well on it.  They won't be feeding him anymore for a few weeks. They want to make sure that he is healed before they add food back in.  So, keep your fingers crossed, and pray harder than ever. I know that we will be doing the same. We will have plenty of time to do it too, because there is no way we are sleeping tonight.

                                                                          Patrick's incision.

                                                                           Patrick after surgery
It was so hard to leave tonight.

 On a brighter note, Brady's nurse felt bad for us, and she said to make me feel better after all that, she was going to let me hold Brady while she changed his bedding. Okay, so it was a good thing that I cried in the waiting room, so I didn't ugly cry when holding him. It was hard to keep it in, but I did it.

Emotional overload tonight..... Finally got to kiss a babies head.
Brady on the other hand is doing well. We had a long talk about not copying his brother tonight. We know they like to do things things in pairs, but we told him we frowned upon that. Two brain bleeds, two heart murmurs, that was enough. Do not rupture an intestine, that is not okay.  They said he is staying stable tonight, and they are still feeding him every three hours. He is handling it well so far. Hopefully that will continue. So, that is news from the NICU tonight. It was quite a scare, but we made it through tonight. We will see what tomorrow brings.
Good night to all, well not for us, we will be up all night!